BLOG-MAS Day 7// Toxic Friendships + Advice
You remember how you felt when your mom would be like...
"Tell me who your friends are
and I'll tell you who you are"
& you'd ignore her and proceed to figuring out how you were going to hangout this weekend...
Well here's the big OHH SHIT moment. That statement is factual, well parts of it.
Our life is lived in seasons, and the company we keep determines the weather. Back then we didn't understand it to the fullest and really hated when we wold here that non stop throughout middle and high school, or at least I hated that statement.
The older you get the statement transitions to...
Tell me who your friends are + I'll tell you who you will become.
The company we keep dictates our mindset, and I know what you are thinking...
"My friends do not dictate my mindset, I can think for myself"
and although that may be true, you tend to pick up habits of how they act, the mannerisms they have, and even the way they speak. I, myself am a victim of this and even now, but I keep company that inspires me...
FIRST POINT//
Be around people who INSPIRE you or people
who ASPIRE to be like/better than you.
What do I mean by this?
People all have idols that they want to be like. Celebs, Athletes, etc. BUT, I am talking about keeping people in your squad who have dreams and goals, the ones who wont sit there and "dream" with no action, because that is counter productive. Surround yourself with friends who want more out of life for themselves and the people they love. There is one thing that I personally cannot stand since I had my major mindset shift and that my friends is COMPLACENCY.
We are on this earth for a limited or long amount of time only God knows, so why not make something out of it. You want to write a book, do it. Want to be a single and tour the world, what's stopping you? My point is get around people who push you to strive for those goals, or have the same goals as you.
- Go and read BLOG-MAS Day 6 for more insight on this -
This works both ways...just make sure you keep your hustle real and authentic. Get into different facebook groups for like minded people in your same field of craft. I have met so many like minded people using this tip, or get out of your comfort zone and talk to someone who is around your age that is doing big things and making moves in their life.
Learn from them, take things away from the lessons they have learned.
You would be surprised about how much you can learn from one conversation with someone, and I am almost positive they will tell you that they all dealt with the friendship aspect of life.
SECOND POINT//
The NOT so good (BAD) friends.
SO you just read my first point, now your mind is thinking about the friends you have, the ones who are leading you down the path of never ending partying and no aspirations...the "stuck in high school" friends. Well honey, we all have them. The ones who are still at home, doing the same things you guys were doing on Friday nights after school. These friends are fun, in doses. I believe that everyone has friends for different aspects of your life and I am in no way saying that you need to be so driven in your goals that you need to eliminate all fun in your life, but you do need to find a balance, a moderation of fun if you will...BUT these types of friends will bring you down if you overdose on them. Here's a little bit of advice, if you want to change your life...drop them if they pull you in a road of destruction. If they are your super close friends then sit them down and have the talk...one of two things will happen -
1. They will understand that you are trying to move into a different direction and support you 100%
2. They will freak out and not understand.
This leads me to my next point...
THIRD POINT//
TOXIC friendships lead to self sabotage.
The friends who literally wont understand that you want growth in your life are toxic. The ones who literally look at you side ways when you tell them that you wanna stop partying and drinking, they are toxic. & if you are reading this description and you're seeing yourself in these words, then it is time for you to get your shit together and improve yourself. We are NOT 21 anymore, partying wont pay the bills and make your goals come true. If you continue to hang around these people you will end up like them. it is harsh but it is the truth. Dealing with those friends is hard when you want to better yourself, especially if you want to bring them along. Let's say you have those friends that wont support you, but you love them and they are toxic...they just aren't on the same frequency as you. The reality of it is that, you CANNOT want more for them than they want for themselves.
advice// What do you do? -
Don't tell them what you have going on if you know that they aren't over the moon excited for you and want to help you through your process.
DO NOT DIM YOUR LIGHT FOR ANYONE!!!
It is better to let the friendship take its course and if it fails then you know that you tried. Some of these bad and toxic friendships can teach you so much about yourself. Try to inspire them and motivate them to get on the same page as you. You never know...you might be the one who helps them kick their bad habits + start hustling for their goals. Them seeing you so determined might light a fire under their ass, and that is what being friends is all about.
There is no right answer when it comes to how to go about booting the toxins out of your life when it comes to friendships, if you focus on you and the ones who are headed in the direction you want to be on; then life will run its course and those friendships will fizzle away.
That's life, it happens.
Please remember that you are NOT a bad person for wanting more out of life. Those people will say things like you are crazy or the ever so popular
"Oh you have changed up on me, you aren't the same".
Yes, that is entirely true...but your just headed in a new season of your life,
and not everyone is meant to be in that new season.
There is a huge myth about... The top being lonely, but honestly it doesn't have to be, the people who say that have isolated themselves in their journey and think that they can't have friends, do what they love, and have a career. We are here to inspired others and make a difference in their lives. I can do a whole other blog post on attracting the friends you want, but for the purpose of not making this blog post any longer than it is, I will cut it short right here and say-
Keep the hustle strong,
new friends will come + you will reach your goals.
This isn't just about friendship, it can also be extremely relevant to relationships with your significant others. With 2018 literally right around the corner - it is time to start making sure that they people you surround yourself with align with who you are as an individual and the type of person you are becoming. It can be hard to pull the plug, end those friendships, break up with someone who just isn't on the same page as you anymore.
BUT LISTEN TO ME -
it will be worth it...
Have any tips of your own, or insights you want to share - leave them in the comments below + don't forget to subscribe :)